Meet the chemist
by Cybernetic Author unit 5
Summary: No one knows exactly who the new class is, except pyro...  I own none of the TF charecters.  PLEASE review, even if it's a flame
1. Chapter 1

It was late at the red teams doublecross spawn point when the train came. Scout and Demo had been expecting a few items or hats, maybe even a few of those stupid mann co supply crates that needed a key that could only be bought from mann co with real money, something everyone lacked at the moment.

Instead, the train dropped off a man in a red radiation suit.

"Who the **** are you supposed to be?" Scout asked, rather irritated that he hadn't gotten anything.

"Aye, and where's me scrumpy?" Demo added, he had run dry two days ago; it hadn't been a pretty sight.

"Here's your booze," said the man, handing Demo three bottles of whiskey. "The conductor drank the rest, then he ran over some poor sap with a baseball bat."

"So you're the new guy they sent us, eh?" asked Engineer, who was poking his head out of the giant pipe that acted as the forts back door. "Ignore those two, Demos always a little ***** off at someone when he isn't sauced, I swear, medics had to replace his liver twice now."

The man followed Engineer to the intelligence room, where everybody else was.

"So you're the new sorry excuse for a man they sent me?" Soldier asked. "Well listen pall, you better not be anything like the filthy Nazis and commies they sent me before, because if you are…"

He was interrupted by medic, who, being the teams only healer, could interrupt soldier whenever he wanted without fear of retribution, "Mein apologiez for heir soldierz brutality, he is not fond of newcomerz, what would your name be?"

"Chemist," said the man.

"Ah, good, good," said the medic, smiling. "I am ze medic, you have already met Demo, scout, Engineer and soldier, ze Australian over der is Sniper," Sniper tipped his hat slightly. "Ze large fellow who is eating a sanvich is mien good friend heavy."

"Nice to meet you," said Heavy between bites. "I sure we make good team someday."

"Ze Frenchman sneaking up behind you is Spy," medic continued.

"Bonjor," said Spy, causing Chemist to jump slightly.

"And somewhere around here is heir…"

Pyro, who had been taking a shower, something it only did when everyone else, especially scout and spy, was to busy to sneak in to get a peek of it under its suit, walked in. It looked at Chemist, stared for a second, then, with a muffled squeal of delight it launched itself at him, knocking him over as it hugged him tightly.

"…Pyro," Medic finished, his jaw dropping. Everyone in the room was staring at Chemist and Pyro, eyes big, Demo, who had been caught mid gulp, had a coughing fit, Spies cigarette slipped out of his mouth, Soldiers eyes became visible from under his helmet, did a spit take with the can of Bonk! he had been drinking, Snipers sunglasses slipped off his face, Heavy dropped his sandvich, even Engineers mini sentry stopped searching for intruders and stared at the two.


	2. Chapter 2

Pyro noticed that everyone was staring at them and quickly let Chemist go, helping him up.

"Did everyone else see that?" Demo asked. "Because if not, I think I'm giving up me bottle, that was just plain wrong."

"We all saw it heir Demo," said Medic.

Though his eyes were covered by a thick black plate of grass, everyone could tell that Chemist was glaring at them, "We grew up together, alright?" he said defensively. "Pyros my only friend and we haven't seen each other since we were kids; does anyone here have a problem with that?" Pyro had regained its composure and was also obviously glaring at everyone.

"Nien heir Chemist," said Medic quickly, his face relaxing. "It gets very lonely out here, and hier Pyro separates himzelf from de rest of de team." "It is understandable if he iz a bit over exited to see an old friend, ya?" he turned to the rest of the team, who had also relaxed.

"Sure, I'd probably go a bit nutty if I saw ol' Kingsley again, course 'es dead, but still…"

"After livin' with these bozos for a few months?" "I know I would lose it."

"Would be nice to see old hunting rifle again, first gun heavy ever had, made lovely bang."

Pyro relaxed a little, sitting down in its usual spot.

Chemist chuckled slightly, heading for his room.


	3. Chapter 3

"Sniper is spy!" Heavy yelled, pointing an accusing finger at Sniper.

The team had moved to 2fort and was currently defending their intelligence against a surprisingly large BLU assault.

"Now wait just a minute you overweight wankaaaaaagh!" Sniper was cut off as flames washed over him; he fell to the ground in a burning heap before turning into the blue spy.

"Pyro is credit to team, keep up good work, toast more spies soon!" said Heavy, grinning at the gas masked figure that was standing over the BLU.

Just then there was a loud explosion and a badly burnt scout came sailing in, landing in a heap on the ground. "Medic," he said weakly as he tried to get up.

The medic came running over, "Vhat happened dis time?"

"BLU Demo," Spy muttered as the Medics medigun healed him

"It's hell out there I tell ya, go and look for yourself.

The team carefully made their way to the battlements and saw five or ten BLU soldiers making their way across the bridge.

"Where's you friend now Py?" Scout asked.

Pyro was about to set Scouts hair on fire when Chemist came in, "Sorry I'm late, I had to get my gear set up and make a few batches of neurotoxin.

"Well chuckles, now that you're here maybe you can tell us how to get those BLU *************** off our ***es."

Chemist looked at the advancing soldiers and chuckled, the chuckle turned into cackle, and then maniacal laughter. "Just watch and learn kid, watch and learn."

Without another word the rad. suited figure jumped off the battlements, landing neatly in front of the oncoming BLUs. "Good morning, how are you today?" he asked cheerfully. "Oh, that's right, dead."

He aimed a tube shaped gun at them and let lose a cloud of thick, green smoke.

The soldiers immediately began to chough and choke, dropping their weapons as they fell to the ground at the Chemists feet.

He continued towards the enemy base, he took out a test tube of green liquid as a sentry turned to shoot him and threw it at the turret. The sentries' metal plating dissolved as the acid ate it away and quickly exploded as the remainder of the liquid fried its systems.


	4. Chapter 4

"Cheers mates!" said Demo, holding his bottle of wiskey high. "To another victory and yet another failure for tha BLUs!"

The team had had a wonderful victory, with Pyro and Chemist running amuck in the BLU base, Scout had managed to capture the intelligence with ease.

"I swear, even Mrs. Creepy sounded happy with us," said Scout, grinning.

"Anyway, what should we do for the rest of the night?" asked Engineer. "There's a cease fire tomorrow and the day after."

"How about we find out a bit more about Chemo here?" Scout suggested, indicating Chemist.

"Aye, maybe you can tell us a bit about Sparky," said Demo.

Chemist looked up from his seat in the corner of the room, "If Pyro hasn't told you anything, I won't either."

"Can you tell us anything about yourself?" asked Scout.

Chemist sighed, taking off his helmet to reveal dark green hair, yellow eyes and pale skin, "Well, I look like this for starters," he said, his voice much softer without his suits microphone.

"Whoa, what the *** happened to your face?" Scout blurted.

Medic whacked him in the side of the head with the flat end of his bone saw to silence him, "Shut up Dumkoft."

Chemist smirked, "It's alright, experimenting with chemicals gives you a few unique facial features."

Medic looked at Chemist, "If you don't mind me asking, where are you from?"

"Florida," said Chemist yawning and stretching. "Sorry guys, but I need to get some sleep; I was up all night last night getting my chemicals ready."

He walked out, giving the others a chance to talk about him.

"Why does Heavy get feeling leetle Chemist is hiding something?" asked Heavy.

"I don't know mate, but I agree with ya," said Sniper, twirling an arrow.

"We all have things to hide," said Spy, cutting in. "Some of us don't hide them very well," he eyed Scout and Sniper, who glared at him. "And some of us do, but just because he has a dirty little secret doesn't mean that he is going to stab you all in the back, that is my BLU doppelgangers job, so I suggest you all stop thinking about what you don't know and think about what you do."


	5. Chapter 5

Spy walked out of the room, it may not be their job to discover secrets, but it was his, turning on his invisi watch, he followed Chemist who eventually led him to the locker room, where Pyro was sharpening its ax on scouts bat.

"I had a feeling I'd find you here," said Chemist, walking into the room.

Pyro whipped around, then relaxed when it saw Chemist, "Hi mught mrph hi uld rvr ee hur agin," Pyro mumbled. It got up, laying the ax on the bench and throwing Scouts bat back into his locker, which had been picked open with a paper clip.

"I know, I'm sorry, I wanted to stay but they wanted to cut you off from everyone, the only reason I'm here is because they didn't recognize me."

Pyro sighed, "Mh hu hink hi huld hll hu mthrs?"

Chemist shook his head, "no, it's best no one knew." He sighed, "Blaze, it's gotten worse."

Pyro gasped, then ripped off Chemists glove and rolled up his sleeve, revealing, to Spy's horror, withered, burnt looking skin and purplish marks all over Chemists arm.

Pyro sobbed and hugged Chemist "Hu Huv hu," it sobbed.

"I love you too," Chemist whispered, hugging her back. "Don't worry, I'll be alright, I promise," he kissed Pyros gas mask covered face and smiled.

Spy crept away, it was just to wrong, to disturbing to see anymore, he ran into his room and lit a cigeret, what was happening?

**Yes, I know, short chapter, anyway, PLEASE vote on what spy should do, here are your choices:**

**confront Pyro directly**

**keep it to himself and try to find out more**

**tell the others**

**tell medic and ask him what the marks meant**

**move back to France and become a mime.**


	6. Chapter 6

The following day, spy paid a visit to Medic.

"Doctor, I was wondering if you could help me with something," he said, looking at the various medicines in Medics room.

"It is about Chemist, ya?" Medic asked, not looking up from the new medigun he was working on."

"Wi, you see, I have found out something rather, odd about him."

"You mean his arm?" Medic asked, still not looking up. "He has cancer, and blood poisoning, both incurable, see for yourself," the German doctor reached into a filing cabinet and handed Spy Chemists file, which was rather thin.

"How did you…" Spy began, opening the file.

"As ze team Medic, I have access to ze basic information of ze files, ze only reason I am showing this to you is so you do not bother Chemist about it."

Spy read the file:

Name: Dr. Nicholas Flameel

Age: 35

Gender: male

Class: Chemist

Known family members and friends: none

Bio: unknown

Medical issues: suffers from skin cancer and blood poisoning, green hair, yellow eyes.

Mental state: Sane

Notes: Over eager to join, he must be watched

Spy blinked, his father had died of cancer, so had his grandfather, in fact, he himself had had lung cancer at one point, "So he is dieing?"

"Nien, he is fighting ze poisons remarkably, though I cannot say how much longer he can hold out."

Spy told Medic what he had seen, which finally got him to turn around, "Chemist and Pyro are…" he trailed off. "Mien got!"

Spy nodded, "What do we do?"

"The thing we should have done long ago," said Medic, grabbing his syringe gun and adjusting his glasses. "Ve are going to see vat is behind Pyros mask."


	7. Chapter 7

Medic Knocked on Pyros door, "Pyro, may ve come in?"

"Fn," said a muffled voice.

Medic opened the door and looked at Pyros room, it wasn't very surprising. The walls were painted to look like flames, in one corner there was a rack holding Pyros different axes and hammers, in another corner Pyros Backburner, Degreaser and Flame thrower lay on a table. Int the middle of the room was a small bed with a dresser next to it. On the dresser lay a box of matches, a lighter and a bottle of lighter fluid.

Pyro was sitting on the bed, facing them, "Wht drrr yr wnnt?"

"Pyro, it is about time ve saw what is behind your mask," said Medic. "Ve are your friends, you don't need to hide from us."

Pyro moved back, grabing its flare gun, "Styy arwy, nrwn lks ndr mr msk," it growled.

"Except Chemist perhaps?" asked Spy. "Yes Pyro, we know about your relationship with Chemist, and we also know what is happening to him."

Pyro froze, "Yr, yr sr mr wth m?"

"Yes, do not worry, we haven't told the others yet," said Spy. "But we need to know what you are hiding now."

Pyro sighed, "Prms yr wnt tll th othrs?"

"Ve promise," said Medic.

Pyro sighed again and removed the gas mask.

"Mien got!"

"Sacre blue!"

**HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Cliffhanger! Is Pyro a girl or is he just really ugly? YOU"LL HAVE TO WAIT TO FIND OUT, MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA! **


	8. leetle filler: Chemists class sheet

Name: Chemist

Nationality: America

Gender: Male

Type: Support

General class description: The bane of medics, the chemist poisons his enemies, sending them crawling back to the supply cabinet.

Class pros:

You slow down and weaken your enemies with deadly poison gasses

Your poison deals damage over time and can only be cured by a medic

Your poison clouds linger for a few seconds, infecting anyone that enters them.

Your smoke bombs make sniping for the enemy team next to impossible

You can poison a snipers arrow

Pyros can light your gas clouds on fire

You can prevent spies from cloaking and disguising by poisoning them

You are Pyros BFF

Class cons:

You are slow, very slow

Enemy pyros and chemists are immune to most of your poisons

You are next to powerless against buildings

Pyros can light your gas clouds on fire

You are Pyros BFF

You are next to useless in melee combat

Your teammates and enemies alike (mainly scouts) make fart jokes about you constantly (but they will pay, oh yes they will pay dearly)

Taunts:

You throw a test tube at your feet, creating team colored smoke as you laugh like a madman

You splash your enemy with acid, usually killing him

You make a smiley face in the air with your gas gun

You do a darth vader impersonation

Stock weapons:

Gas gun, shoots out poisonous gas, firing much like a flame thrower.

Shotgun

Giant syringe: poisons enemies

What other classes think about him:

Medic: "A pain in the *** for everyone."

Pyro: "Mph mrph mmmmmph!" (gives two thumbs up)

Spy: "I advise you not to get on his bad side."

Sniper: "Bloody ************** won't let me get headshots in."

Scout: "He's from hell it tell ya!"

Heavy: "He fight like baby, hiding behind me when things get hard."

Soldier: "He's a maggot, just like everyone else."

Demoman: "He can make a powerful scotch, I can tell ya that much."

Engineer: "Yeah, he's pretty tough when it comes to hurting a livin thing, but lets see him get past mah sentry!"

Announcer: "One of my favorite classes actually, I love seeing his victims slowly die a painful death.


	9. Chapter 8

A little while later, Spy and Medic both emerged from Pyros' room, looks of horror and shock on their faces.

"You did see it, right?"

"Ja."

"With the…..

"Uh huh"

Spy took a long drag of his cigarette, he would be stealing some of the demos' scrumpy tonight. "I never though Pyro would look like THAT, a robot maybe, but THAT?"

"Let us never speak of it again," Said Medic. It all made sense now, Pyro hadn't wanted to be given an ubervalve because then, well, Medic would have never looked at the firebug the same way, so they had someone else come in and do it.

Both of them didn't notice Chemist leaning against the wall until Spy walked into him.

"Oh, my apologies…." The Frenchman began.

The hazard-suited figure just chuckled, "Pyro showed you what was under the mask, huh?"

"Ja, how did you know?" Asked Medic.

"Look of horror, general shock, generally not acting like yourself, happened to me the first time Blaze showed me, just don't tell the others, alright?"

Medic nodded, "I understand."

Even Spy, master of revealing secrets and embarrassment to others, nodded, he had always lived in fear of Pyros, and his own teams' was no exception.

Chemist beckoned the two to come into his room. They both shrugged to each other and followed him.

Chemists room was much like Medics, there was alarge table in the center, covered with different tubes, bottles, Bunsen burners, powders and lord know what else. In the corner was a refridgerator, Spy could help but shudder when he saw it, he had seen some pretty odd things in refridgerators, and he had no clue what Chemist kept in his. There was a small cabinet next to the fridge, and, on a smaller table was a can of Bonk! which Chemist had obviously been trying to study. Large tanks marked with a skull and crossbones lay in the corner and in the back of the room sat a bed with a small nightstand next to it. On the nightstand was a picture of some old man in a business suit who was obviously suffering from some disease, and a young, well dressed woman, the photo was signed: "From Cave and Caroline, thanks for the two extra years Nick!"

Chemist cleared some room on the table and motioned for Spy and Medic to sit down. He reached into the fridge and brought out a small bottle, "Don't tell Demo I have this, he'd kill me for it." He took to small glasses from the cabinet and poured them both a drink, which they took greatfully. Chemist took out his own glass, filled it, but before drinking it, he emptied a small vial of golden liquid into the drink.

Medic paled, "Zat isn't….."

"Australium concentrate? Yup, it's the one thing keeping me from rotting away entirely."

"But zat is ze most radioactive and poisonous substance in ze world!" Cried the doctor. horrified.

Chemist just smirked and downed the concoction, "It also doubles your bodies' cell generation rate, why do you think everyone exposed to it grows so much chest hair? This helps my body fix what is dying. Sure, I'll probably turn into a solid australium statue eventually, but for now I'm alive and as health as I'll ever be!"

Medic stared in wonder at the man, "I have GOT to give you a physical someday, the scientific miracles your body holds…. it's unimaginable!"

Chemist just chuckled again, "You would be surprised what medical experimentation on your own body can give you."

Spy had been only half listening to the two scientists talk, then he though of something, "Chemist, when did you actually first meet Pyro?"

Chemist sighed, "About 18 years ago, when we were both still in college. We were in the same chemistry class, and, well, over time, Blaze just kind of grew on me. We dated for a little, though obviously some people didn't approve of it, we were kind of the school freaks even then. But anyway, one day I was working on a science paper and I just suddenly felt a horrible pain. Blaze, who was my room mate at the time, got me to a hospital. They did some X-rays and found out I had cancer. I stayed in the hospital for a year or two, Blaze came every day to check up on me, maybe slip me some smokes every now and again until we finally got the doctors to let me out. After that we kind of split up, I began to experiment on myself to find a cure for my cancer, and Blaze got a job as a special effects artist." He gestured to a newspaper clipping on the wall titled: "Pyrotechnics wizard goes mad, nearly kills movie star." "After that I guess Blaze came to join you guys. I had by that time given myself blood poisoning and my, ahem, unique hair and eye color. I made a living doing odd jobs for science labs, until I got a letter from Blaze a few weeks ago, the administrator must have tried to stop it from getting to me, because it was at least a year old, lord knows how it got through. So I signed up for RED, came here and you know the rest."

Spy nodded, then sighed, taking a long drag from his cigarette, "I still can't believe zat Pyro iz a-"

He was cut off when Heavy burst in the door, Doktor! Come quick! Leetle Scout tried to hide Demomans bottle and now he is beating him over head with dinning room chair!"

"Fes, again?" Groaned Medic, getting up.

"Ve better go break it up, last time Scout needed two whole days under a medigun to bring him back, I don't vant to have to repeat that."

**HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I TOOK SO LONG TO WRITE THIS, AND NOW YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT PYRO IS! Anyway, feel free to ask for oneshot requests involving this version of the team and Chemist, I'm going to wrap this story up and should be working on a sequel/ collection of oneshots next.**


End file.
